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Should I wait for him or move on?

Jody Answers:

Dear Waiting,

Any man who does not know what love is by the age of 34, may never learn. Ten months is more than enough time for a man to determine if he sees a future with you.

You need to move on.

Though you do not say it, I am inclined to believe that Jason has been burned in the past. He may not know what love is because he has closed himself off to the possibility of it. This is not something you can fix. I am sorry but your fears are very well founded. If he does not love you, does not know if he will ever love you, and doesn't spend much time with you, why is he there? I assume that the two of you are having sex, because otherwise there is no logical reason for him to hang around. Do you really want a man who sees no future with you but merely wants a friend and bedmate? Do not fall into the trap of waiting for him to fulfill his "potential". If he is "The One" everything will fit right, now. IF it doesn't the timing and perhaps the person is wrong.

Now for the second subject, your daughter. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Laura, I'm going to take a soapbox moment here. Do not expose your child to your boyfriends! Yes, you have a right to date and a right to search for a new mate. No, you should not involve your child in that process. It is simply too damaging to her. Think of it. She has already suffered the loss of one man in her life, her father. Now she will lose another one, Jason. Every time you introduce a person into her life, encourage her to trust and care for him and then he is torn away, a piece of her is torn too. That tear becomes a wall. She is formulating her views and images of men and relationships right now. The reality is that all relationships end at some point, very few in death. Do you want her to grow up with the idea that no man could ever love her enough to never leave her. That may seem extremist to you but young children are

extremist. She is not reasoning this out. She is forming emotional assumptions. There is nothing wrong with you dating but please, do not introduce a man to you daughter until you are pretty sure that he is permanent. Even then, keep the contact light and minimal until you are engaged.

If you are wondering how Jody knows so much about the beliefs of children -- see her bio.

Yes, you will have increased child care cost, but think what you will save on therapists.

Tell us what you think grnbut.gif




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