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Dear Panel,

I am a college student in a class with a fabulous woman.  She has the qualities I'm looking for.  The problem?  She's 23 and has been seeing her current boyfriend for 6 years. He's ready to settle down, she isn't.  He's also very controlling in that he doesn't like her to go out with her friends.

Normally, I wouldn't interfere in a relationship, but we were hanging out one night and she told me her situation and how they've been moving apart for quite a while. I've told her how I feel, and that I'm not trying to force her to make a decision. She's also told me that she has feelings for me, but is confused as to what to do because she's been with this guy for so long.  yelbtblk.gifWhat do I do to win her, yet not look like a scumbag?  Help me!

Knight in Shining Armor

Lefty Answers:

Dear Knight in Shining Armor,

We all want to be the knight,

Knights aren't good for modern problems.

aliciaLtin.gifbut I'm sure that to her boyfriend you look like the dragon.  No wonder her boyfriend doesn't want her to go out with her friends, or is that on dates with her possible (boy)friends. 

From her point of view, if she is just finishing a controlling relationship with one guy, why would she quickly want to jump into another relationship, especially if her last one endured 6 years?  Maybe she would like to chill for awhile.  Maybe she would like to find a good rebound relationship.  Or maybe she's looking for the same thing you are.  All kinds of possibilities.

I think that the best thing to do in this situation is what your instincts are telling you--not to pressure her.  I'd say you've done the right thing so far.

But stick to friendship

aliciaLtin.gifYou've been honest with her and told her of your attraction.  All the cards are on the table.  Invite her to activities with you, like studying,  concerts, or whatever, but certainly give her room to back off and figure out what she wants.

If the timing is wrong, even the most fabulous woman may not be a fit with you. Make yourself available and see what happens.



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