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Mare Answers:

You both need to look for ways to compromise

Compromise will make them both unhappy.

charlietin.gifyour own position and do what you can to make the other partner happy.  That is the only way that your relationship ­ and any relationship ­ is going to last.

You Marry the Family, Too

Sue:  They say that when you marry someone, you marry his whole family.

I think that she already has.

  bobtin.gifThis is true, especially when there is so much love and closeness between your fiancé and his family.  You must be very careful to allow him plenty of room to be with his family or you could alienate yourself from them.

You also need to focus on yourself; apart from the relationship with your finance.  You need to.

  1. get back to work, even if it's part time.  This will give you financial and personal independence.
  2. develop friendships of your own.  "Forsaking all others" in marriage is ancient history.  Friends get us through the hard times and thoroughly enrich our lives.

I think if you pursue these two actions, you won't be so focused on what your finance is doing all of the time.  Besides, he'll appreciate you much, much more when you have other interests.

Bob:  One of the downsides to getting married is that you don't always get to do things the way you did when you were a kid.  Your fiancée asked you to start a new tradition for Christmas Day and you agreed.  You can't blame her for being disappointed when you wanted to back out on the agreement.  Work hard on a compromise, even if it spans several years (e.g. this year will be just you two, next year will be at her parents, the next year at your parents, etc.)

Some of the things you said lead me to believe that you have so many outside interests that you don't have a lot of time for your fiancée.  This could be encouraging her to want more time with you.  Make sure you are giving her the time ­ and more importantly, the tenderness.  When was the last time you told her you loved her?

Final word to both Bob and Sue: If you can't come to an agreement on how to get married (i.e. elope), you probably shouldn't. 

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