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Dear Panel,

gosh! my boyfriend is *choking* me by degree! At first I felt taken care of when he was really concerned about me, like when I went out alone (even if I went shopping) or just visiting my family and friends but now I feel suffocated.

I mean I used to go out whenever I feel like it or on a whim but now I have to tell him where I am going or who I am going to see and how long will I be gone. I didn't cheat on him since we were together and I told him the truth so




Lefty Answers:

Dear Choked,

WHAT DOES IT MATTER???  I don't care what he wants from you.  (And don't shout.)

It has nothing to do with power. It's about the difficult decision of ending a relationship.

aliciaLtin.gif I'm more concerned with what YOU want.  What DO you want?  If you want NOT to be "choked" by your boyfriend, then why do you allow this situation?  Do you believe yourself powerless?

Ask yourself what would happen if you did not tell your boyfriend you were going out on a whim, or who your were going to see, or exactly how long you would be gone.  I know *I'M* asking those questions.  It sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to control you.  Would he react violently?  Would he feel hurt and end the relationship?  Would he work with you to compromise and make sure to let you know that your feelings are important and he will try to make you happy?

What do you think is the appropriate response, Choked?  Please take responsibility for the decisions you CAN make, for you are far from powerless and you always have the ability to terminate an unsatisfactory relationship.


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