I am very ashamed to write this and I feel totally wrong, but I need some advice.
I Settled For my Wife
I have been married for 4 years. My wife and I met after I just ended a hurtful relationship. I had very low self esteem at the time and I didn't think any woman would ever want me. I settled for my wife and I tried to make myself believe I really was in love with her.
I found that it probably wasn't meant to be when I cheated on her with my ex that broke my heart. My, then girlfriend found out about it and after a hurtful acceptance of my apology, she took me back. A year and a half later, we were married.
I Never Really Loved my Wife
At the time we married, I still did not feel the love I had once felt for the woman who broke my heart and I honestly believed that the friendship (not the love) my wife and I had would carry us through our marriage. I spent the next 2 1/2 years, managing to exist unhappily in our marriage. I am sad to say that to this day when my wife and I kiss, I have never felt that spark I once felt in my ex girlfriend when we kissed.
I finally decided to try to add a spark to our marriage by suggesting we have children.
A year later and 4 years into our marriage, we have a beautiful son who I never regret for a minute. I only regret the reason for wanting him.
Now, my wife and I are distant as ever. I feel no love, I dont kiss her, I don't make love to her and I am pretty sure I am emotionally starving her. I don't mean to do this, but my attempts to find love with her are impossible because I trully feel love never existed.
Should I Get a Divorce?
Now, I sit and I am considering divorce. There has to be more in this world for the both of us. Am I wrong in wanting a divorce? I don't even know if counseling will help because how can a counselor create something that was never there?
Please help and send advice...
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