Boy, do I EVER agree!!
(Here is my advice to the person that asked the question):
Perhaps what you could consider reevaluating what exactly love means to you.
Perhaps your idea of love is a little on the romanticized side...it is not all butterflies.
Sometimes, people believe that love is about the incredible ups and downs of a relationship and they begin to define how much they "love" someone by the highs and the lows they feel. A true, deep abiding love honestly doesn't have many of those
The push/pull of the relationship you shared with your ex-girlfriend is probably the ideal in your mind because it makes you FEEL...it makes you come alive and it seems so all-consuming.
Sometimes when your love is quieter and less like an exciting roller-coaster ride, it can seem not quite as real. But in fact, it is usually MORE real. It is a love based on commitment, trust, honesty, respect and the things that you need to make a marriage last.
I agree - talk to a counselor..by yourself and also with your wife. When you are shown the tools to dig deep inside yourself to the issues, you will know what's right for you and for your marriage.