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Hi Aimee,

You know, its funny how just when you think you are the only person that could possibly be feeling this way, someone else comes along and can understand exactly what you are saying and how you are feeling.

My first relationship with a guy blossomed out of a very close friendship. I was a freshman in high school and I fell madly "in love" with my best friend. One night I decided to act on my feelings because I was pretty sure that he felt the same way that I did. We kissed that night and kissing lead to more kissing and then more kissing. Finally at the end of the night we said good night and he went home. I was convinced that "laying my cards on the table", as you have put it, was the right thing to have done. Little did I know that it was the beginning of the end.

To this day I don't know whether I scared him or if he just used me that night. Basically that was the end of our friendship and the beginning of a deep insecurity that to this day I battle with.

Maybe You Are Reacting to a Previous Bad Experience

For an example of how past hurts can affect us, read the question: Should I leave him and risk being hurt again?

I'm wondering if the reason why you are afraid to be completely open and honest about what you are feeling is because at some stage, even as young as high school, you had an experience that back fired on you and as a result you are affraid to be open about the way that you are feeling.

My only problem with your situation is that you say that you are both very much in love and that there is no doubt in either of your minds about how the other feels but yet you are affraid sometimes to actually show just how much you love this guy. As I have often advised, the most important aspect of a relationship is complete and total openness and honesty.

You Should Do What You Feel

If you feel like calling your boyfriend at 3 a.m. then call him, even if it is just to say hi. If you feel like walking up to him in public and giving him and big hug, then do it. Especially since he has complained that he does a lot of the calling, I would find it hard to believe that he would be turned off by your forwardness.

Now, obviously there is a limit to this and there can become a time where you start to over do it. When that time comes, if he loves you as much as he says that he does, your boyfriend will tell you that he is feeling smothered and needs some space. What I would say you need to do if this should happen, is give him a little bit of space but DON'T get down on yourself for having been open.

There is nothing wrong with it, and only by going too far can you actually come to discover the right proportions so to speak. The only true love is that in which you are able to completely immerse yourself in and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It is by doing this that you will truly learn the meaning of true love. Any partner that can't handle your openness or forwardness may not be "the one."

I would suggest that you stop playing games and start being real. Be yourself. It is the key to success in any situation.



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