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Do I expect too much from a relationship?

Dear Panel,

I'm "Sarah", a female university student in her 20's with definite career goals. I've never had a serious relationship.

Why don't you acccept dates? You might be missing great opportunities.

I usually don't accept dates with guys who ask. I've waited for someone special to come along. Now, I'm in a 5 month relationship. I don't know if he's right for me.

"Sam", my boyfriend lives in another state and we're trying to have a long-distance relationship. I met him at school. He's very status-oriented, materialistic, and won't shut up about himself.

"Betty" is his ex-girlfriend. She was a bombshell and he talks (negatively) about her A LOT and how she hurt him. He thinks he put in a lot of effort in that relationship. I'm jealous.

After He Won Me, His Attitude Changed

Sam kept pursuing me, doing all these sweet, romantic gestures to sweep me off my feet. I thought he was one of a kind. Once we got together, his attitude completely changed INSTANTANEOUSLY. He doesn't open doors for me, compliment me, do anything spontaneous or extra to let me know she cares, and insists that I pay for half of the bill a lot of the time. We don't go out often.

I Don't Feel Appreciated

Sam is wealthy, but very frugal. He complains a lot. I don't feel appreciated or romanced. Since I'm so inexperienced, I wonder if perhaps I expect too much from a relationship. Sam claims that he cares about me (once in a while) and phones me all the time. We have similar beliefs. He hurts me often with insensitive comments. When we discuss it, he seems to feel genuinely sorry. He doesn't do a thing to make it up to me, though.

I thought I was in love with him, but now I know I'm not. (He hasn't said he loves me after 5 months.) My feelings are slipping because he's not the wonderful boyfriend I hoped for.

At most, I have affection for him. I like him, though. I don't know why I bother.

Is Sam's behavior typical of most guys who care about their girlfriends?


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