Question

Dear Panel,

... Our 14 years of marriage have been very good. We are best friends and very passionate lovers. However, she confirmed with me in our eighth year of marriage that her love for me was dwindling. We thought things would work themselves out by buying a new home and having a second child. Once again this year, she reconfirmed that this feeling of not committing to our marriage has once again appeared, and it is a feeling that won't go away. ...

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Dear Panel,

My Role As Husband

I am a married professional man, having been a very devoted husband to a very loving wife for 14 years. I have never had or had any thoughts of having any affairs outside of our marriage.

I have been very proactive in my wife's successful working career, being very supportive of her ambitious goals and always giving proactive advice in attaining these career goals. I am deeply in love with her, with my love growing to new heights as our marriage continues. I am also her best friend. We have 2 adoring young children, ages 13 and 4 years. Although we have very busy work schedules, I have always made every effort to make our marriage very special.

Her Role As Wife

Angeline is a working professional with very high ambitions. She aspires to own her own business, and yearns to have financial success. She enjoys reading books on business entrpreneurship and self-made millionaires. She is a very devoted mother, and our relationship has been very passionate.

Angeline has a very strong personality, and is very independent. She is very rational about her decision making skills, and with her strong character I know she will be very successful in whatever she achieves.

Eight-Year Itch

Our 14 years of marriage have been very good. We are best friends and very passionate lovers. However, she confirmed with me in our eighth year of marriage that her love for me was dwindling. We thought things would work themselves out by buying a new home and having a second child. Once again this year, she reconfirmed that this feeling of not committing to our marriage has once again appeared, and it is a feeling that won't go away.

Incriminating Evidence

I also found written evidence of a strategic plan on how to leave me, with her seeking professional advice from a seminar she attended 2 years ago giving advice on how to leave me. She started seeing a counselor on her own without my knowledge to help direct her on her choice of divorce or devotion. I eventually found out about everything, and we started seeing the counselor together for a while. Then she wanted to see the counselor on her own again, stating that the problem was her, not myself.

Six Month Deadline

She puts the blame on the recurring feeling on her getting married so young, and not fulfilling her ambitions (love, career, etc.) prior to marrying me. Currently, I am left in limbo and living on thin ice until she makes this decision. She stated she needs 3 to 6 months to make up her mind. I do not know what to do or how to handle her, since this topic irritates her every time I want to discuss it with her or every time I become intimate with her.

I Still Love Her

I am so deeply in love with her, but with her thinking this way, I have never been so hurt in my life. It would be real tragic for myself if she were to leave.

Until she makes this choice of commitment or divorce, what should I do?

-- lost in love

 

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