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How do I trust a guy who betrayed me twice?

Judith Answers:

Dear Saibhin and Jacob,

You Must Want To Make the Effort

This will be a difficult relationship to make work. You have a history of infidelity and instability that will take work to overcome. It isn't impossible – you both clearly care about each other a lot. But you have to decide if what you want right now (you are both still very young!) is a relationship that takes this effort when you could forget it and just have fun for a while.

Learn To Be Single

In a way, the two of you are amazing; you have so much life experience and so much relationship insight at a relatively young age, which will help you in the future. But maybe each of you need time to just be single adults – learn about your own strengths and weaknesses and spend some time reflecting on what is important in a relationship before investing in this one.

Don't Force Yourself

Mel I agree. Why is she with this guy? More than once isn't a mistake.

Especially, Saibhin, you need to think about whether you really want to go on. It is clear you care very deeply and passionately about Jacob, but are learning that you care just as deeply and passionately about yourself and your own well-being. Why force yourself to make a decision if you are not ready?

Tell Him You Can't Commit Yet

You could tell him (and I bet he would listen) that you are not ready to commit yet – you have to find the answers to too many questions first.

Think About Your Level of Commitment

Saibhin Jacob was a bit angry about the advice received.

And Jacob, I think you understand this. You are concerned about committing with out being totally committed – and I don't think you are totally committed yet. You need time to think about how committed you are willing to be to Saibhin, and for how long.

Judith Living Together Is a Bad Idea Now

I'm not sure if you are living together, but it seems like living together would be a bad idea until you get the chance to feel comfortable with this relationship. Don't shut each other out, but spend some time individually taking care of yourselves and growing as adults.

Take It Slow

Good luck. Just take it slow – there is no reason to rush at 24 years old. You've already got the experience; now you deserve a happy, healthy, committed relationship. First with yourselves, and then maybe with each other.

Judith

 

 

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