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Is he backing off because he isn't getting any?


Dear Anonymous,

It sounds to me like maybe the two of you are looking for different things.

You Can Work Out Cultural Differences

Local Dating Customs I agree. Cultural differences can lead to some mixed signals. See my article on Local Dating Customs.

First, you have to remember that people from different countries have different customs, values, and beliefs. The fact that he is from a different country may present differences from the very beginning but there is no reason why you can't work with them.

He's Not the Guy You Want

In your case, however, it sounds like maybe this guy isn't interested in working things out to suit both of you. It seems as if he feels like a relationship without sex is not possible. In this case, I would say that he is not the guy that you are looking for and maybe you should either work on the just a friendship or back off all together.

Find Another Virgin

You may also want to consider for yourself whether or not it is important to you that the man you marry is also a virgin. If you believe that sex should be saved for inside of a marriage, then, is it important to you that your husband has saved himself for the same thing? If this is the case, then again, this guy may not be the right person for you.

Try Friendship

I would also urge you to remember that just because a relationship may not be possible, doesn't mean that a friendship is out of the question. If you two have a lot in common and are able to have fun together and have stimulating conversations then maybe he is worth hanging onto as a friend.

Do I think you should hang on and hope for something more? Maybe that isn't such a good idea. This guy has already made it perfectly clear that he feels that a relationship needs to incorporate sex, and so it sounds to me like maybe you two are not a "perfect match."

Saibhin Wrong! They CAN'T be friends.

That is not to say however, that you can't be friends and have a great friendship which can bring you all kinds of good times and memories – just not love. I'm not suggesting that he wouldnt be interested in you romantically, but simply that you both have different ideas of what a romantic relationship should entail in order to be sucessful.

Don't Hope for More

If the only reason why you are helping him study for his exam and hanging out with him is because you are hoping that romance will follow, I would say let go. It's not worth it to hang on and risk getting hurt if the warning signs are there from the beginning.

If you think that you are not capable of being just friends, then maybe the answer is to lay off for a while and see if he realizes that he wants to try again, or maybe things just aren't meant to be. It's not worth holding on if the end result is pain, so think carefully about the situation and how you see it playing out.

Try to make a rational decision instead of an emotional one.




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