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How much should I change for her?

Dear Panel,

... Over the last few months, I have begun to change my ways, and have become more accepting of others. She, on the other hand, has stayed stubborn, much to my complaining, and thinks her stubbornness is good, somehow. ...I've begun to change for the sake of US, why can't she?....

-- Mr. Unsure

Male, age 21, California, USA

[read the entire question below]

Judith
Survivor
Bailey
Lefty

See Also:
Do I change my spirituality to keep him?
How do I deal with our religious differences?

Dear Panel,

I am a half white, half Mexican-American, in college, insecure about relationships, jealous at times, dedicated to school, and the person to whom I happened to be involved with at any given time.

She is a Latina, dedicated to school, involved in church, who wants me to take interest in church, has too many friends, too involved in family affairs, and is stubborn as all hell.

Her mother: far too close to my girl, and is informed of virtually everything we do an plan on doing. The mother really likes me, but sees me as a threat because she actually thinks I'm "the one" (I know this because she's told me, jokingly I think).

I was introduced to this girl last April through my mom's best friend's sister (complicated story, but everyone's has known everyone else since high school). So, essentially, the whole family knows me. We talked for 3 months, and recently we decided to date exclusively. I really enjoy her, and actually (for the first time ever) have pictured myself with her for the future. I know she pictures us together in the future as well, and know she already cares deeply about me.

I have two all-consuming problems.

She Wants Me To Participate in Her Church Life

First, she is very adamant about her church life, and wants deeply for me to take part in that part of her life. I am a Christian, but I do not attend church. She believes we SHOULD go together and everything else that goes with being involved with God (e.g.: no sex, drinking, cigs, fun... just kidding).

Should I take an active role in church, or should I be stubborn and ruin a possible fruitful relationship?

She Won't Change

Secondly, we are both very stubborn individuals. Over the last few months, I have begun to change my ways, and have become more accepting of others. She, on the other hand, has stayed stubborn, much to my complaining, and thinks her stubbornness is good, somehow.

Is there anything I can do to help her change? I mean, I've began to change for the sake of US, why can't she?

Will her stubbornness and religious beliefs end our relationship?

-- Mr. Unsure

Male, age 21, California, USA

Bailey, Judith, Lefty, and Mr. Survivor answer this question.

 

 

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