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How do we get her parents to lighten up?

Saibhin Answers:

Let me start by saying to both of you that if this is true love, my apologies for the following advice. Reading both sides of your stories I automatically felt like you two were as different as day and night.

Nickers, your letter sounded like you were exactly what you are, a 15-year-old girl.

And Brandan, your letter sounded like you were exactly what you are, a 20-year-old man. I am hard pressed to think of any common ground you two may have, but that's not my job, is it?

In my opinion, a 20 year old has no business dating a 15 year old. I have said it before and I'll say it again. You two live in two different worlds, you are basing your compatibility off of what sounds like one week of dating.

Brandan Wants More Than a High School Romance

Nickers, I don't think you understand where Brandan is coming from in all this. He is sounding like he wants to invest his life into this relationship. From your letter it sounds as if you are treating this as a normal high school relationship. Which is of course is where your experience stems from. My question to you is: "Are you sure this is what you want?" High School, for me, was when I essentially discovered boys and boyfriends. I fell in love with each, had break ups with each, and fell in love with another. It allowed me to more clearly define what love was to me and what I actually wanted in a life long partner. I am still developing those ideas, and I'm 25.

Listen to Your Parents

Looking back now I can't even picture myself building a family with any guys I dated back in high school. You are young, you have another 4 to 5 years of living with your parents, I would suggest listening to them at this time.

Brandan Could Be Arrested

Choosing to see Brandan behind your parent's backs can have more painful feelings involved than good ones. Until you are 18, your parents have absolute authority in deciding what is best for you.


It's not illegal unless they have sex. And dating does NOT mean sex .

This can lead to you having privileges revoked, being grounded, even so far as having them put a restraining order against Brandan, which can lead to his ARREST if you are caught together. Is this the kind of relationship you want to "enjoy" while in high school? It sounds too complicated to me.

Wait Until You're 18

Even if you and Brandan are both willing to take these chances with your lives, think about your feelings for one another. If, (after three weeks), you love Brandan this much, would you want to see him arrested? Would he want to see your life turn into some weird prison movie if he felt the same? If being with Brandan is so important to you, wait until you are 18. Then you decide what is right for you. If it's love, it'll wait at least until your legal.

Brandan's Goals Are Different from Nickers's

Brandan, You have got to be kidding me. Have you read what your girlfriend wrote? How does it compare to what you wrote? If I were you I would be feeling very insecure right now. Here you are talking about dressing your chica in wedding gowns, and she wants her parents to lighten up (maybe just in time for prom?) Somehow I think you got your wires crossed on this one. You're thinking Ms. Right; she's thinking Mr. Right Now. Reevaluate. Now.

You Can't Be Sure She'll Become the Woman You Want

The fact of the matter is this, you are dating a girl that is in a very developmental time in her life, (with only 1-2 post-pubescent years on her), you can't be sure the girl you are with will turn into the woman that you want. And even more so, you have no clue if the woman she's going to be will want the man that is you.

It's Illegal


It's not illegal for them to DATE, but it IS illegal for them to have sex.

Here's the other part, if you read what I said to Nickers, then you already know. It's illegal. Her parents sound like the type that would have no problems pressing charges. Have you ever registered as a sex offender before Brandan? Do you want to? Hard facts, you do anything with her, you'll find yourself faced with at least 3rd degree child molestation. They will put you in a cell and hold you there until someone coughs up a bail bond, or you cut a bargain, or you go to trial. (You'll probably miss a few classes too, so don't bother registering again if you're going to pursue this, it will be a waste of money)

Then, for the rest of your life, everywhere you live, you will be required to tell the local authorities you are a sex offender, where it will be accessible to everyone on the Internet. What fun. How about a good job? Do you even want me to go there?

My Brother Went to Jail


But all guys are not the same.

I am telling you this, because I watched it happen to my brother. And you know how that all started? His 16 year old girlfriend was late for her curfew, and when she told mom and dad where she'd been, he went to jail. (As well as the police searching his room and confiscating all the bedclothes.)

Is this a chance you want to take? A life you want to lead? This is serious stuff; it goes beyond her parents "lightening up." Like I said, if this is true love for you, if you think this is it, then wait until she is legal. They don't say "jailbait" for nothing.

Call It Quits or Wait

Back to Both,

Call it quits, que sera sera, whatever. In my mind, the means are not worth the end. If you want to do it, then I cannot urge you enough to WAIT. There was a 15-year age difference between my parents. She was 18 and he was 33. (By the way, they divorced after 15 years of marriage, she felt she got married too young and didn't experience "life" – how's that grab you?)

The parents may always disapprove, but there will come a time when the law WON'T be on their side as well.

I hope all turns out for the best!



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