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Why call me a slut when HE took my virginity?

Dear Panel,

...sometimes David flips out and starts saying horrible things to me...because I told him that I had three boyfriends before him, and while I never had sex with any of them, we did fool around. He also makes a huge deal that the first time I fooled around was when I was 13. He says that it's not normal and it makes me disgusting...

-- Tanya M.

Female, age 18, Illinois, USA

[read the entire question below]

Mel
Buddy
Jody
Jimmy

See Also:
Questions About Virginity
Does he really think that I'm a slut?

 

Dear Panel,

I am just another 18-year-old college student that got duped into losing her virginity because he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

David Is Screwed Up

David is usually a great boyfriend. However, he is kinda skrewed up. When he was younger, his dad physical and verbally abused him. His mom is a gambling addict and spends all the child support (his parents are divorced) on her addiction. His last girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him.

His Friend Erin Is the Kind He Wants To Marry

This girl Erin is from NY. He says that they are just friends, but whenever she calls he leaves the room and won't let me listen. Also, he always tries to make me feel bad by saying that she has never touched a guy and is the kind of girl he wants to marry.

He Flips Out and Calls Me Slut

We have been together for about 6 months, and most of the time it's great. However, sometimes David flips out and starts saying horrible things to me:

  1. calls me slut, whore, dirty etc.
  2. tells me that he can't spend the rest of his life with someone too impure like me.

He says these things because I told him that I had three boyfriends before him, and while I never had sex with any of them, we did fool around. He also makes a huge deal that the first time I fooled around was when I was 13. He says that it's not normal and it makes me disgusting.

He's Dated 25 Other Girls

However, he's no angel himself – he got with 25 other girls before me and lost his virginity to his last girlfriend that cheated on him. So I find it really unfair that he can makes such remarks.

When he goes crazy like this, I start to really doubt myself. I know I'm not a slut – I can count the number of guys on one hand. But his accusations are hateful and they really scare me. I love him, but I'm afraid that he is going to end this relationship because of my past – and I can't change that.

What is going on in his head and how do I deal?

-- Tanya M.

Female, age 18, Illinois, USA

Mel, Buddy, Jody, and Jimmy answer this question.

 

 

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