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Should a lack of sex end a marriage?

Dear Panel,

....I now get yelled at every time I make a move towards sex, and basically have to wait for her advance. Which can take as long as 60+ days...

-- Anonymous Consultant

Male, age 30, USA

[read the entire question below]

Dear Panel,

I am a technical consultant, I have been married to the woman I love for over 4 years and I have a lovely daughter who's three.

My wife is an attractive, intelligent woman who is strong, independent, and my life partner. I am her life partner as well.

I Work 80 Hours a Week

We have a busy schedule. I work about 80 hours a week, and she is busy running the house and raising our daughter. I try to help out as much as possible, but we both feel that I need to focus on the consulting now so I can build a strong future for our family. I work from home, in my office about 60% of the time in an attempt to see more of my family.

Months Without Sex After the Birth of Our Daughter

After our daughter was born, my wife lost interest in having sex on a daily basis. We would have sex every couple of days and joke that we were losing our touch. We now go months without sex and we are both very tired of fighting about it. She feels that sex is trivial and that I should just deal with her current mood. I have asked if there is anything that I could do to get her in the mood. But all attempts have failed to date.

She Yells at Me When I Try Sex

I now get yelled at every time I make a move towards sex, and basically have to wait for her advance. Which can take as long as 60+ days. She knows that I am a very sexual person. And when we first got together, she felt the same way. However, after our daughter was born, that all changed. So far, we have postponed having another baby due to the fact that this large dysfunction is becoming a large barrier in our happiness. And we are starting to loose confidence that we won't end up separated.

I can't believe that something like sex can cause this. But it is. I don't want to leave or stray from my family. I want to have sexual relationships with my wife, but will not tolerate this pattern for the next 20 years like my father did.

I've Turned Down Opportunities To Cheat

I have had several opportunities to stray and have sex with other people but have always turned them down. I have also learned to stop telling my female friends about my sexual problems as they tend to be the ones who try to have sex with me. It seems that my situation is not all that uncommon.

What can I do to help her get back her feelings towards me?

-- Anonymous Consultant

Male, age 30, USA

KP, Judith, Vivi, Bella, and Tommy D answer this question.



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