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Is my boyfriend gay?


Dear Lucia,

You are in a very vulnerable time of your life. This is a time when many people begin to explore and try to understand their own sexuality.

It Takes Time To Admit

My roommate is gay and he once told me that although he always knew that he was gay, it took him a while to admit it to himself and then to others.

I think it is most important that you are supportive of your
boyfriend, and best friend, whichever way his sexuality takes him.

There's Little You Can Do


If she can't do much about it, she shouldn't waste too much time on him.

For now he is happy with where he is, with you, and until he takes the time to stop and change this, if he decides that he is in fact attracted to guys, there is very little that you can do.

Effeminate Doesn't Mean Gay

Also, remember that some guys are just more feminine than other guys and this does not necessarily mean that they are gay. Some guys are, by nature, more sensitive and emotional, but they are also the most athletic and heterosexual "manly" men.

Don't Label Him As Gay

You must be careful not to label your boyfriend just because he has a characteristic that would, stereotypically, be considered gay. Remember that both gay and straight guys and girls come in all different shapes and sizes and that the only person who can determine their sexuality is themselves.

You're More Aggressive Than He Is

The fact that you always tell your boyfriend that you love him before he tells you or kiss him before he kisses you may just be a result of your own personalities. Maybe you tend to be the more aggressive one in the relationship and he is more shy or, because he is inexperienced, maybe it will just take time before he feels comfortable making the first move.

I wouldn't necessarily equate this with him being gay.

In general, this is the time in your lives when you are both learning and growing and changing so much. Some of these changes will happen together and some of them won't.

Support Him

If in fact your boyfriend is gay, follow the words that you have said here. Support him and be his friend. Although we do
live in an increasingly more accepting world, there is still a stigma attached to homosexuality and your boyfriend may face some tough times dealing with some of this. What he needs now is your full support in whatever path he chooses.

I Don't Know If He's Gay


Let's be realistic. Maybe, just maybe, he IS gay.

I don't know if your boyfriend is gay. Who knows? Maybe he is heterosexual and you will end up married. Maybe he's gay and he will be your children's"uncle" one day and spoil them rotten.

It's Worth Discussing

At the end of the day, make sure that you are both honest with yourselves, make yourself open to discussions when he is ready, express your concerns to him, and most importantly be his best friend and support him as you say you would.

Maybe He's Just Not Ready

Don't dwell on this issue though, enjoy the time you spend together. Just because he doesn't make sexual advances towards you doesn't make him gay, maybe he is just not ready.




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