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Mr. Sensitive said:

it is counter-productive to say to the other person, "If you don't change by summer, I am leaving you."

Reader Bella responds:

I agree that attempting to FORCE a person to do (or not do) something is almost always counterproductive.

Winnable Ultimatum

However, there IS a "winnable" ultimatum – the one that two people work out together.

As in "I need for us to be monagamous. Do you see that happening, and if so, under what circumstances?"

To which the partner has the opportunity to frame the requisites for change. As in "I don't feel ready, I really enjoy getting to know new people. I don't envision being monagamous with you unless I date everyone else in Minnesota and decide you're the best there is."

Providing a Timeline

This provides the platform for a timeline: "So, there's 1.2 million datable women in Minnesota. You think you can have dated them all and have your decision back to me by my next birthday?"




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