Snappy Answers Oct 31, '01

October 31, 2001: Here are 39 short answers to 19 of the questions that we found in our mail box.

For more serious answers, please click on any of the other questions on the main page.

Dear Panel,

I would like to keep him interested. I actually want to drive him crazy, before we have sex.

How can I tantalize him, so that he thinks of me all day...and then can't wait to be with me at night?

– Pinky

Female, USA

Ren

That is an evil, evil thing to do.

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Dear Panel,

Will Thomas Dolan get out of Jail this month?

– no signature

Female, age 18, NY

Buddy

I may be living under a rock or maybe I'm just Canadian, but WHO THE HECK IS THOMAS DOLAN?

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Dear Panel,

What kind of questions can I ask my boyfriend to find out if he loves me?

– InLove

Female, age 19, Ohio

Foxy

"Do you love me?"

Michayla

No need to...your HEART will tell you that he loves you!

Lefty

The one that drives me crazy is, "Would you love me even if we didn't have sex every night?"

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I of 4+ months haven't said "I love you" yet.

He told me at some point that he has trouble saying those words, so I have avoided them to keep him from feeling cornered (and me from feeling rejected).

The relationship otherwise is going very well and I feel loved (which I know is more important). Unfortunately, I am craving a verbal conformation (needy, I know...) and also just want him to know how serious I am about him.

Any suggestions?

– 3words8letters1meaning

Female, age 32, California

Lefty

Ask him how he feels about marriage, hypothetically.

Stephanie

Nothing wrong with expressing your feelings to him. Just don't expect a mutual response right away. Most guys get deer in the headlights syndrome at the first mention of the dreaded "L" word...they can almost hear the prison of monogamy doors clink shut.

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Dear Panel,

I am seeing my friend's old girlfriend. They haven't ended things yet, but he is gone and they never speak anymore.

The problem is I really like her and I feel like my friend and all of our other friends are going to hate me for doing this. But this girl is great. I never plotted against him to win her over; we just looked at each other one day and thought we were good for each other.

So do I say "Thanks for a great couple of weeks, let's just be friends again", or do i see her as I want to see her – my friend and lover?

– Homer Jay

Male, age 28, East coast USA

Lefty

Either say goodbye to her or to the rest of your friends. Your choice.

Mo

That depends. Is your friend ever coming back? Does he think she's his current girlfriend, not his "old" one? If you've answered "Yes" to either of these questions, I'd wait awhile to start a relationship with her.

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Dear Panel,

My boyfriend and I had been going out for 2 months. This was actually our second time going out ,and he recently dumped me and said he just wanted to be friends, but he didn't give me a reason and when I asked why, he said that he didn't know.

I'm really confused.

Why would he dump me like that so unexpected and stuff???

– Sarah

Female, age 15, North Carolina

Lefty

It doesn't sound "unexpected" from his side.

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Dear Panel,

What should I do? Love is confusing.

I go right, love goes left. I thought I found love, and love manages to find an excuse to keep us away. I am tired of chasing love. Every relationship doesn't work out. I've broken up with too many girls in the past 3 months.

Should I forget about love? Is it really that important?

– Confused

Male, age 22, New York

Lefty

Don't give up on love, just use turn signals.

Linda

What you should forget about is going through girls like they're cans of beer. "Too many girls in three months"???!!! Pick one and try to make something work for awhile, why dontcha.

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Dear Panel,

My girlfriend and I have just passed our 5 year anniversary.

She wants to break up or take a break, which were doing right now, because she's not sure she wants to put effort in anymore. I love her dearly, but lately I haven't been a good boyfriend. When she was sick, I was out, I haven't visited her friends etc.

I feel that I love her dearly and I can change. She's not so sure. She says she loves me, but how do I prove to her I can be the man she first fell in love with?

Thanks,

– Allan

Male, age 26, Canada

Aaron

The prize goes to the first one of you who realizes that you're each done with this relationship.

Kalia

You don't love her if you haven't married the poor thing after 5 YEARS!!!!!!!

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Dear Panel,

I have been in love with one of my best friends for four years. He and I have shared a lot of things together. He has known for a while that I am in love with him, but at first he was dating someone. About a year ago they broke up and just recently he has finally gotten over her. He knows I still love him and that I have all along. But he kept telling a mutual friend that he just couldn't see me "that" way.

Recently, I gave him a book of poems and writings that I had written about him. He read them all right in front of me. He commented on how sweet they were and what a good writer I was, and even mentioned hanging some of them on his wall!!

Our mutual friend had a conversation with him about me after I gave the book to him and his opinion had changed a little. This time he said that I was the sweetest girl that he knew and that he knew that no one would ever love him as much as I do but there was only one thing keeping him from dating me.

HE said that if we dated and it didn't work out, he wouldnt be able to cope with losing me as a friend. He said he has lost too many friends and he can't lose me.

So my question is: Since this is the only thing that is stopping him from being with me, how can I convince him to be with me regardless of the risk?

– Friend In "Need"

Female, age 19, USA

 

Lefty

Get him alone, and jump on him. It should resolve things one way or the other.

Diva

Let him know you won't wait around for him!

Linda

You can't. He has to decide on his own if the risk is worth it. And by the way, in my opinion, it's not. Good friends are too hard to find. Consider whether you're dumping all your "love" feelings onto him to avoid finding someone with whom you could have a real love relationship, which has its own set of risks. Cuz right now, you're having a one-sided love relationship.

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Dear Panel,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and I haven't told him I have herpes.

It is killing me - how should I break the news???

– Natalie

Female, age 24, USA

Lefty

Tell him there's a reason that you've only been holding hands with him all this time. If he wants more, he has to read up on herpes.

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Dear Panel,

I am 16 and my girlfriend is 18, and I got her pregnant.

I was wondering if my parents could press statutory rape charges on her.

– Rob

Male, age 16, Michigan

Lefty

I am wondering if you're such a moron that you don't consider other things, like what your life will be like if she has the baby, what your responsibilities are, and why you're having unprotected sex with someone when you don't know the answers or even consider the right questions.

 

Cynth

No, not in Michigan.

But that's the LEAST of your worries, buddy.

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Dear Panel,

Should teen mom get marry with the baby dad?

– Boop

Female, age 16, California

Lefty

Should teen mom figure out that situation is more complex than a 1 sentence summary?

Shane

Do you love him? How long is it honestly going to last?

Linda

Only if he's a really good, responsible guy with whom she can see spending the REST OF HER LIFE – think about 60 years or so. Only if she's in love with him, and he with her.

In the meantime, teen mom should make sure she finishes school, learns a lot so she can get and keep a job to support herself and her baby, and not have to depend on this guy or anyone else for financial support.

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Dear Panel,

I met this really nice guy on the Internet and we like each other a lot. He wants to meet me and I wanna meet him cuz I think we'd really hit it off.

Do you think I should go for it and meet him or not meet him????

But there's a couple things also that go with this:

He's black and I'm white, and my parents don't beleive in two people of different races dating. And we're so far away from each other.

Please help me out and tell me what to do. What do I do????

– Tasha

Female, age 15, New Hampshire

Heartache

You have to remember that someone on the Internet who seems nice and likes the same things as you, could be totally different in real life. As people in chat rooms only show the side of them that they want people to see. He could be an 80 year old pedophile for all you know!!

The fact that he's black doesn't really help you much as you would only upset your parents, so I suggest you let this one go and find someone in real life.

 

Linda

The biggest problem I see is the distance. You can't even drive yet.

The second biggest problem is your age, combined with the fact that your parents, who still have some control over you, like it or not, disapprove.

Tell this guy "no", and find someone your own age with whom you could have a real relationship. And figure out some easier things to do to piss off your parents.

 

Hollow

Don't trust anyone on the Internet unless you know them.

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Dear Panel,

I like this girl Lindsey. We only talk on the Internet though, but there is this girl I met today, and she is so beautiful, and she wants to be with me.

What do I do about the girl I talk to on the 'Net??

Did I mention Camille is so hot?

– Rob

Male, age 17, Michigan

Lefty

Wow, unseen Internet girl, or hot live one. That's a tough choice I sure can't make.

Linda

Call me old fashioned, but I still have a hard time with these Internet relationships. Until you meet, you're only pen pals. And, "a bird in the hand..."

I'd date the real girl with no qualms, and let the cyber girl know you're dating a real person and just want to be friends with her.

Valetta

You are stupid – go with the girl whose face you've seen!!!

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Dear Panel,

Please tell me what it means when my 5th month long 28-year-old girlfriend says she needs to break up because she needs time and space even though she claims she loves me and I am the best thing to ever happen to her.

– Desperatley confused

Male, age 32, New York

Brad & Heather

It means you've just been demoted to Plan B.

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Dear Panel,

My daughter went on a first date with a new guy about 1 & 1/2 weeks ago.

A few days ago, my daughter was missing and I found out that she had spent the night with her 19 year old boyfriend. He said that she told him she was 18, she told me that he was 17. They both deny that they had sex.

Even if that is true, what are the California laws regarding an adult being with a minor in an inappropriate situation like this? Is this covered under "statutory rape"?

I would appreciate it if you could point me to the California law that covers this subject.

Thank you for your help.

– Gina

Female, age 39, Santa Barbara, CA

Cynth

There is no California law prohibiting a 19-year-old from just "being with" someone under 18 years old.

However, it's your responsibility as a parent to let your daughter know what YOU consider an inappropriate situation.

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Dear Panel,

How do I stop being a bitch to my husband, whom I love deeply?

I want to be a nice wife. I want to nip this in the bud before damage is done to our relationship.

– Stupid

Female, age 37, USA

Babsy

Start doing yoga. Relax!

Lefty

Unless you two are dogs, you might try therapy.

Linda

Quit acting like a bitch. Say nice things; keep the mean things to yourself. Kind of like what you were supposed to have learned in first grade about getting along with people.

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Dear Panel,

I know this person who makes constant eye contact whenever opportunity arises.

He doesn't go out of the way to get in touch with me. We have exchanged a few emails. The last one was sent by me to him. It has been almost five days and I did not get any response. He tried to make eye contact in a group meeting the other day. But I did not reciprocate.

Do you think I should put this off and not wait for him to get in touch with me? I am so confused and do not know whether to still keep the hopes up or have him make the the next move.

Could it be that I am reading too much into all this and he doesn't have any interest in me whatsoever and that he gazes at me just as a "hobby"?

What does the panel think?

– MBL

Female, age 19, Turkistan

Lefty

This panel member thinks you can use this prime opportunity to practice flirting.

Buddy

I think you should stop playing eye games and just talk to him already!

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Dear Panel,

How can I get my ex to leave me alone?

– Ebe

Female, age 24, USA

Saibhin

Mace works rather well.

Lefty

Court orders are good.

Colleen

Marry him. He'll never touch or talk to you again.

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